TV

Last night my brother and I caught up on our shows. Our shows are Criminal Minds, Tosh.0, and Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins. The first two don't drum up much interesting conversation, but The Ruins (and The Real World) are over analyzed and picked apart by us like we're two coaches breaking down film. Here's what our breakdown produced:


#1 Derrick and Darrell should be your some of your first fantasy picks*.





(Yes, I said fantasy picks. There has to be a reality TV fantasy league somewhere. Hell, Simmons has probably got one going, lord knows he talks about it enough on his podcast.)

(Side note, buy his book. It's 700 pages long, and I only made it through 14 pages before it got ripped away from me but I laughed a lot in those 14 pages. Plus it can stop a bullet. Back to the issue at hand...)

(*This all depends on the scoring system. If it's based on performance in the challenges, then pick these guys. If it's about fighting, getting wasted, flashing and sleeping around then pick up Tonya. She's money in all of those categories, but for the purposes of this blog it'll be about performance in the challenges)

Derrick and Darrell should be your top, if not, #1 picks. They don't cause any drama, they dominate in the challenges and they don't lose the elimination challenges. Most of the time you see them in the background or in the odd interview but they're never getting trashed and kicking someone's face in. They almost always make it to the final challenge and they usually win the final challenge.


#2. Cohutta is a fucking gangster



Why? #1 He was nailing Kelly Ann on his season of The Real World and almost knocked her up. Man's game

#2 He killed a bear! That's where he got the bear claw he wears around his neck. I like to think he killed it either with a bowie knife or his bare hands.

#3 His last name. It's Grindstaff. How fucking gnarly is that? Fucking gnarly, that's how gnarly it is. It sounds like he should be killing hoards of trolls or something while riding a a horse through a lightning storm.


#3. The game is like the mafia

You meet the leaders one one one away from everybody else, you've gotta promise them something and if you don't they throw you to the lions. If anyone is the don it's gotta be Evan (who coincidentally is a great fantasy pick. He wins all the time, he starts a lot of stuff AND he gets around... At least this year he did, but he loses points for plowing Veronica *shudder*)

Those are just some of the observations we've made. All that said, I'd be on that show in a heart beat. Unfortunately I'm not "controversial" (read: not an alcoholic or man-whore) enough, and neither is my brother.

And I'm not athletic enough. I'd drag whichever team I'd be on down. I'd be like Eric, except probably not as funny oand definitely not as fat.

I'll be back next week with a breakdown of episode 8, which looks to make my first point completely useless